May 2, 2015

The day our life changed forever.

It really was just another normal 9 months pregnant type of day. It was a Saturday. We slept in some, had breakfast burritos (duh). Joel had this compelling urge to tackle lots of household chores/duties like yard work, cleaning, oil changes, etc. I was happy to stand by and watch :) we knew we had limited days off together before the babies came, but no way did we ever think this was THE last day. 

Around lunch time we ran a few errands. All day I had felt nothing but just SUPER pregnant, a little uncomfortable at times and the heat seemed to be bothering me more than usual, but other than that I felt completely fine and normal all day. We had somewhere to be that evening so around 3:30pm we crawled into bed for a little afternoon nap. Around 4:45pm I woke up to start getting ready for dinner, went to the bathroom, and then just like that my water broke right on the bathroom floor (convenient). They say it'll be obvious and boy was it obvious, although I still found myself questioning whether or not that was actually IT. I remember this crazy/calm feeling all at once, on one hand being totally shocked and caught off gaurd and the other feeling like this just made perfect sense to be happening right then. I called for Joel and he hopped right up and into action, of course. While my hospital bag was mostly packed and ready, his wasn't even started. So he began putting together a bag as I called my doctors office and mom (to verify this actually WAS my water breaking). I was so concerned with trying to avoid an unnecessary trip to Triage, so I gave it some time to truly be sure I knew this was it. We slowly/quickly continued to get ready and be sure we had everything and left for the hospital around 5:30pm.  We got to the hospital and were checked in around 5:45pm and by 6:00pm they had confirmed I was in labor and had scheduled us in the OR for 8:00pm.

Just like that, we were going to meet our boys. The next couple of hours were a blur with doctors and nurses coming in and out, paperwork, and even some very mild labor contractions beginning. I remember feeling like waiting 2 hours for 8:00 would never get here, and then next thing you know it we're being wheeled over to the OR. It wasn't until that moment they separated Joel and I to take me in for prep when it all became real. As I was wheeled into the OR a flood of emotions and feelings came over me. It was a little of everything... some panic, lots of excitement, mostly just "this is real, this is happening, they're about to hand me two babies, whoa whoa whoa".

We did all the surgery prep and the lovely spinal block, which they had trouble getting in the right spot and KILLED like a  beast. I remember a sweet nurse telling me to hug onto her as they had me bent over the table, I'm so thankful for that nurse. In a whirlwind of scary operating room stuff going on and that awful spinal block not going well, she was such a sense of peace and comfort that I desperately needed. Next they began monitoring the babies heartbeats as a standard procedure before beginning the surgery. All the sudden I remember hearing my doctor quickly and firmly saying "Those are decelerations. Everybody scrub up, we're taking them NOW." The team instantly dispersed throughout the room and I felt the intensity pick up. All the while I'm sitting there wondering when they're going to bring Joel in!! I'd gotten to the point where I could clearly tell they were beginning the surgery and was about to ask where my husband was when I heard a nurse say "has anyone brought DAD in yet?!" Thank the Lord because Joel walked in right as my doctor had begun pushing down on Baby A to get him into position for delivery. I'll never forget that feeling of peace the second I heard his voice and saw his face standing beside me. Even though they'd already begun and were well underway, I felt like "ok NOW they can start, NOW it's gonna be ok.".

It felt like only a matter of seconds before I heard my sweet first born son's cry. There is absolutely nothing in the world like that feeling. Every fear, doubt, worry went away the second I heard that healthy boy screaming out his first breaths of life. Looking up and finally seeing one of those little tiny humans that we had waited all this time to meet. There's just nothing like that, an emotion and feeling I wish we could bottle up and save to experience over and over again. Not long after (about a minute to be exact) I got to experience that feeling one more time when Baby B made his entrance into the world, screaming just like his brother. Instantly I felt so lucky, as if hearing and seeing that first baby wasn't enough here I was with TWO of them. I've felt the same every day since.

Next I remember hearing and seeing the boys over to my left, where they were taken into another part of the room with the NICU team to be evaluated, weighed, cleaned up, etc. Joel was over with them and was able to cut their umbilical cords and take lots of pictures of their first few minutes of life. I heard lots of updates and commentary from Joel and the doctors and nurses, "healthy babies!" "Good size!" "Doing great!". They quickly brought each baby over to me for skin-to-skin time, my absolute favorite memory of the whole experience. The babies hadn't stopped screaming since coming out, but the second they were placed on my chest they went instantly quiet as they melted into me. They stole my heart right then and there. I watched their little faces and tiny bodies move in perfect unison with my breathing and I just remember telling each of them over and over again "you're my baby boy, you're my baby boy". I'll never forget those first few moments holding my boys. Being a c section delivery this skin-to-skin time was super important to me, and I was so thankful the hospital and team of nurses/doctors make it a priority for c section deliveries, as that's not the case with every hospital. They brought Baby A over first and I remember Joel telling me "this is definitely August". We already had a feeling who was who based on their little personalities in the womb, so we had the doctors be sure to tell us which they pulled out in which order so we could see if their names matched what they looked like (just to be safe). We both knew right away who was who, Baby A was Auggie and B was Sawyer.

 After I got plenty of time snuggling my boys, they went with Joel to the recovery room where I would soon meet back up with them after finishing up in the OR. What was surely only a matter of minutes felt like an eternity being away from them. But as I was wheeled into the recovery room I remember seeing Joel holding both of our boys waiting for me, what a sight to see. The recovery room felt like it was a half hour at the most, little did we know we'd actually been in there for over an hour... And it had already been about 2 hours since the boys were even born! Time passed SO quickly. Our poor families and some friends had been waiting all that time. We were finally moved to our stay room and able to start introducing the boys to everyone.

I really can't say enough positive things about our c section experience. I feel so fortunate to have had such a great experience from the surgery to recovery. The decision to have a c section was not one that we took lightly and it was not easy. From the beginning of this pregnancy we'd talked with my doctor about the extra risks and complications of delivering twins/multiples naturally, and it was never something we had a peace about, like ever. Which seemed odd at the time but now we look back and so clearly see the hand of God guiding us through every step of this decision. Remember those decelerations in the OR right before they started the surgery? Turns out both of the babies had their cords wrapped around their necks. Meaning even if we would have tried a natural delivery it most likely would have ended up in a c section, and an emergency one at that. We now know why we never really had a peace about trying a natural birth, and always seemed to have a peace with c section. Ultimately every part of our pregnancy/delivery journey came down to trusting God first, and trusting our doctor second. Ohhhh our doctor... Is it normal to get emotional and teary eyed when one speaks about their doctor? Even the process of how we found and chose her was completely orchestrated by God. Another piece of this whole puzzle that we are so thankful for and could not have planned more perfectly. To say this pregnancy and delivery increased our faith would be a massive understatement. I love when God gifts us the ability to walk away from experiences clearly knowing and seeing where He was present and how He worked. And we've seen that throughout every step of bringing our babies into the world.

We thank God, the giver of all good things, for our precious boys and our health/safety throughout pregnancy and delivery. We're undeserving of it all, but thankful to know The God who graciously blesses His people far beyond what we could ever imagine.

The Boys' Room

All I have to say is, thank goodness for that burst of energy the second trimester brings. That, and my husband. If it weren't for those two things I think these babies would be sleeping in a pack'n'play in our room for a looooonnng time. The nursery is almost done! Done enough to share with you all. We've still got a few things on the list like a lamp, filling some empty frames (with photos once they get here), and the tree stump side table my dad made. We are LOVING having this room put together and getting everything put away and settled. I got some advice early on in pregnancy from someone who knows me well, and knows I wouldn't be able to function on top of my game with the distraction of their room not being done, to just get it DONE and get it done EARLY. Not only with the last several weeks of pregnancy being physically exhausting and unpredictable but also for the peace of mind and preparedness it allows you before the craziness and chaos begins once you bring the babies home. I can already say I am so thankful we took that advice and started early.

Ok, on to the details of their room. We wanted to be resourceful and pull in lots of handmade/hand-me-down/meaningful/used-elsewhere-in-our-home-items. Lots of mixed textures too. As people asked what our "theme" was for the nursery I could never really come up with a way to summarize it so I would say things like "all boy" or "adventure" or "little boy adventure". And I think we captured that pretty well. We desperately hope and pray for our boys to be adventurous, imaginative, creative, and well of course wild & free. So it's important to us to have a space that feels that way to them, and yes, even when they are infants who won't even notice : )

We also wanted a space that was meaningful and special, So there are lots of fun things passed down from family and things that represent our life together. Those antlers are from my dad's first rifle deer kill. The bow hanging above the rocker was Joel's when he was a little boy, from his grandpa. There's a wedding picture on their wall, as well as the "babies make four" sign we used to announce our pregnancy. There's a beautiful and detailed sketch of our family tree hanging behind their door, with all of their grandparents/aunts/uncles on it. There are things we've made, that have been used since our first home together. The beauty of using resources like this is the stories they tell, and we hope to fill their lives with stories and memories of their own. 

The black wall is a chalkboard wall. While it won't get used quite yet we're hoping in the future it will be a fun/creative thing for them to have in their room. My friend and business partner Autumn Matney did the "Wild & Free" lettering at the top and we LOVE it. The Wild & Free theme we've got going on comes mostly from one of my favorite quotes from Henry David Thoreau: "All good things are wild & free".

(forgive this crappy picture and the horrible editing) We're using our old TV credenza from the living room as a changer. It's definitely beat up and probably in need of way more work than we're willing to give a $50 craigslist piece, but it's got lots of great storage and is the perfect fit for under their window. Joel made that wooden arrow above the window and written on it is Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

OH! Notice there is no longer a random hole in the credenza filled with magazines like we used to have in the living room?? (top left drawer) That's because we finally found the perfect solution in the most perfect size basket for only $9! It fits right in there and acts like a drawer, and holds things like paci's, lotions, teethers, etc. etc. I may be most excited about that little basket than anything in the whole room.

Just for kicks we're calling this space the "learning wall". We'll see how that works out but for now at least it looks cute! That ABC sign is from a great local shop called LetterCraft and I highly recommend their gorgeous and custom work. Those numbers are just wrapped with yarn around nails that create the outline shape... super easy and super practically free.

With such a crazy/involved wall on the other side of the room I figured we should keep it simple/tone it down on the other. So white walls with the most amazing weave my friend from church made for us! All I did was tell her our nursery colors and next thing you know she has this busted out! I am totally in love with how funky and random it is, it's the perfect addition to this simple wall. Thanks Jenny!

Last but not least we have their cribs with these simple black and white prints hanging above. The first one is a CS Lewis quote about Aslan "He's not safe but He's good" and the other is a "be brave" badge.

 

So there you have it! For the most part, anyway. As much fun as we've had putting this room together and dreaming about our boys being IN it one day, we are so ready and excited for them to be here and for it to truly become their space. Most days we're still in disbelief that we have these two precious babies on the way, but having this room close to being done sure makes it all feel real and so so exciting.

House Tour: Living Room 2.0

Well, considering the fact that we're expecting two little babies to come rocking our world in just a few short months... it was time for a change in the living room. The living room was one of the first places in the house to really come together, you remember the first time I wrote about it back on this post. Back then we had barely been living in our new home, didn't yet have the mantle above the fireplace, and had a different couch. We wanted to change things up a bit for a few different reasons.

We LOVED that couch. The cream sectional. Not only was it extremely comfortable and low maintenance, but we also loved the idea of a sectional. When we first saw this living room space we had a sectional in mind. BUT, after living with it that way and then coming to imagine babies and toddlers all over the place, we decided it probably wasn't the best use of the space. It really closed off the area, and when entertaining it felt like if you didn't have one of the 4-5 seats on the couch then you couldn't be in the conversation. Negative. We also didn't like the idea of not being able to easily see into the space (the ground) while in the kitchen or walking by, once the babies get here and start rolling/crawling around we wanted to have it opened up so we can easily keep an eye on them.

SO... enter new couch. We wanted to keep the best of the sectional world and at least make sure we got one with a chaise lounge for sprawling out and relaxing, and we love how large the chaise section is. Not to mention the chaise can go on either side of the couch! We love that feature, it allows us to use it in a couple of different ways if we ever want to rearrange. It's a deep grey/tweed-ish fabric so it's pretty durable and should be pretty kid friendly. Once we experienced a couch with no detached back cushions we didn't think we'd ever have those again BUT these are made really well and hold up great when you recline against them, so there's minimal "fluffing" and fixing once you get up.

And the mantle that has changed my life... Still one of my favorite things we've done and still so much fun to decorate and rearrange. We also (finally) cleaned out the old burned logs and ash from the fireplace and added some fun (and clean) logs, still in search for a more permanent solution but for now this does the trick.

Next, we are using our old mid century credenza as the changer in the boys room. It's the perfect style and size to be used as a changer (with the exception of raising the leg height just a tad bit) and it was a great way to continue using a piece that we love and only paid $50 bucks for. So far it looks perfect in there, and I'm so glad we made the switch. That left us with needing a new entertainment console of some sort. We went back and forth debating all sorts of options, some more permanent or "projecty" than others, but ultimately we decided to take the easy route and get something pre-made or build something a little less intensive/mobile. One day we might get rid of the fireplace all together to add more wall space, or even build on another living space to the back, so the idea of doing anything permanent seems a little silly for now.

So to Craigslist and the internet we went... I had found a piece I thought we would just make ourselves, but while searching Craigslist I found a seller who makes the exact same thing (and all sorts of custom pieces actually), so we thought why spend the time and energy doing it ourselves when this guy can just whip one up for us? It was great, he even let us customize the size and dimensions we wanted. I knew I wanted large enough shelves for toy baskets and other storage. So for now I've just thrown some random stuff up there but eventually those baskets will be full of toys or books and I can easily toss whatever trouble from the day in there.

Last but not least, the new rug and new end table. While we LOVED our old black and white rug it wasn't soft or comfy at all. Who cares when it's just two adults living in the house but again, imagining two babies crawling around made us want a super soft/carpet-like surface for them. And that's just what we found. I seriously feel like we hit the area rug jackpot here... This thing is HUGE first of all, which is so great knowing we have that much space for the babies to roll/crawl around on before they hit the rest of our tiled house. But it's also THE softest and most comfortable feeling rug you will ever find. You don't even need a rug pad underneath, and it feels comfier than most carpets even do. We were a little scared of how light it is in color but all of the black detail work seems to hide any dirt or wear that comes from walking all over it. Overall, we're obsessed with it and we love how it's warmed up the space in both look and texture.

Oh, and our new end table. The last little black one we had, while very useful and very loved, was from a $5 Goodwill find in college and had been repainted 2 or 3 times. It was time for it to go. This new one we got at an antique shop is a little different than my usual style, but these days (as you can tell) I am so into mixing and matching and using different textures, so this had me at the iron/wood combo.

So there you have it, our new living room space... with just a few updates that make it feel like a whole new space.

To My Babies,

October 10, 2014

We just found out you're here, you're BOTH here, and you're already a part of our family before we even know you. We've always talked about the day we would find out you're joining our family, but never in our wildest dreams did we ever think there would be two of you at once! How lucky and undeserving we feel to be your parents. Once again we are reminded of God's miraculous grace and love through His loaning you to us. Our world changed forever when we heard your hearts beat for the very first time. We pray for those hearts! We pray they would continue to grow strong and healthy, that God and His Holy Spirit would come to dwell in them one day, that they would learn to love and care and feel deeply. Babies it's actually unbelievable how much we already love you, we've only seen blurry pictures of your tiny faces but we couldn't love you more. It's hard to imagine that we will, once we meet you and hold you, love you more in ways we never thought possible. How can this be when we are already so obsessed with you? We can't wait for the day we find out what that feels like. But for now we'll continue loving you the best ways we know how on the outside. We love you babies, more than you'll ever know.

On Doing What YOU Do

Photo & Lettering by Autumn Farrell Matney

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. How I don't want to try and be someone that I am not. I don't want to try and DO things that I am not good at. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with trying. Trying new things, trying to better yourself, trying to be different. But I think where we get into trouble is when we feel a sense of entitlement or ownership over something that we're just simply not meant to be or do. But I should be able to do this, I can do this, I AM good at this. But… SHOULD you? CAN you? ARE you? Why do we try and force ourselves into being good or better at something and in the process lose what we really ARE skilled at or meant to be doing. As an artist (and a business owner) I want to focus on the things I (we) can do. Trying new things and exploring new opportunities, yes, but ultimately in the end having enough humility and honesty to step back and say "you know what, THIS is what I'm good at, so THIS is what I'm going to do." It's not about staying away from risk or change or new, but rather staying true to who you know you are.

In a way I think we cheapen ourselves and others when we go about living life thinking we are or can be great at everything. Because the truth is we're not meant to be. Even scripture clearly talks about this, 1 Corinthians 12, one body with many parts. Imagine us ALL walking around thinking we have the gift of prophesy, or healing, or even speaking in tongues. Yikes. God intentionally did not make us to be super men and women. We have strengths, we have weaknesses, we suck at some stuff and excel at others. THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF BEING HUMAN. I would like to see us tap into this a little bit more. Let's celebrate the strengths and weaknesses that make us different from each other. I don't know about you but I celebrate the fact that there's someone out there who knows how to fix my car, or someone who's better at cooking than I am, or people who enjoy doing taxes. There is a difference between just being able to do something and actually doing it well. Anyone can just do something. But not just anyone can do it well.

New House Tour: Guest Room

Consider this room… not really finished. You see, when we moved in we made a "sort of guest room" by basically putting our old bed and some old furnishings in a room, along with all of our other junk. The room became a catch-all for unused decorations, keepsakes, junk, storage, etc. But hey, it had a bed and a place for people to sleep. My business partner recently got married and moved into a new apartment, and since we really don't have an on-going use for a guest room we decided to offer up the bed, bedding, headboard, and some other things that were in there. Leaving that room practically empty. Well, now, just a few weeks after doing that, we find out my sister will be in town home from the Dominican Republic for 2 weeks, which left up scrambling to piece back together a guest room. Since she'll be staying here for an extended amount of time we wanted to make sure the room felt put together and not like our "catch-all" room anymore. So this was a good excuse and good motivation to get our act together and put together a real room!

However, since this probably won't be a permanent guest room and since it's not always needed as one we figured we probably shouldn't spend too much time or money investing in decorating or furnishing it. This my friends is when having said catch-all/junk room is so beneficial… because with the exception of the comforter and curtains this entire room was furnished/decorated with pieces we already owned that have been sitting around waiting for a purpose (like most of the stuff we own). Our home is filled with things that were bought for a certain space or purpose that I find ways to re-use or repurpose for another. This is when my "hoarding", as Joel calls it, really pays off. For example, all of the pillows, artwork, the luggage ottoman, side tables, etc. are left over pieces that were used at another time in another space, and now (because I've KEPT them) they have a new home, and I didn't have to spend money putting a room together. Sigh, the beauty of mixing and matching.

I have about a billion wire baskets that I buy every time I see one… this one came from a flea market and it was rusting on the bottom so I decided to slap some coral spray paint on it and call it a day.

If I were to run away with any furnishing I currently own it would be these curtains. I loooooove these curtains. For many different reasons… the style of course. They are a linen-ish cream color with subtle white stripes stitched in them (look at the stitch detail!). But mostly the PRICE. This PAIR of curtains was only $25! I'm sorry, but good quality curtains are usually $25 for one panel, so needless to say I was thrilled when we found these bad boys for so cheap. I love how light and airy they make the room feel.

So anyway there's the guest room! For now anyway. We're ready for you, KB! And any other visitors who want to stay with us : )

One Year in Our Home

Today marks exactly one year of owning our first home. Is it weird that the date April 26th is forever burned into our minds? Probably because it was ALL we could talk about this time last year. April 26th, the day this house became our home. We have lots of thoughts as we hit this milestone of home ownership, and I think I'll share a few below:

1. We still 120,000% love this house. We love what we've been able to do to it, we love the layout, we love the lot size, we love the possibilities and potential, we love the current upgrades, we love the high ceilings, we even love most of the things we plan on changing one day. We just love it.

2. We are hands down in the absolute perfect location for us and our lifestyle. Aside from the literal geographic centrality of where we're at in the valley, we're so close and convenient to most of what we personally need/want/know/love. The culture that the Old Town Scottsdale area brings to our neighborhood while still maintaining a safe, family friendly, and inviting atmosphere is unbeatable. There are always, at all times, at least 20+ restaurants to choose from on any given day or night of the week, and most are within a 3-5 minute drive if that. We've never once felt even a hint of unsafe or like we couldn't go for a bike ride/walk any time of day or night.

3. We truly believe we could be in this house for the rest of our lives. This is something Joel has said since before we even found this house, that he wants a house we can raise a family and grow old in. I always give him a hard time when he talks about having this baby paid off by the time we retire, and having our grand kids come visit us here one day, seems a tad bit exaggerated if you ask me. And of course in all honesty, what do we know? We have no idea what direction our lives could take or what circumstances may come up that involve us moving, we are in no way saying we WILL be here forever. But the catch is we believe we could be, and actually wouldn't mind it at this point. With how big of a lot size we have and with all of the potential for adding on in various ways we could easily create enough space and additions to accommodate a growing family. So whether this ends up being the case or not even close, it's nice to know we at least have that option.

4. We have loved the dreaming/ownership/planning/responsibility that comes along with owning our home. We love having ideas and watching them come to life. Joel enjoys doing yard work (well, most of the time at least), he values keeping a nice yard for people to enjoy. We love having people over, for anything, anytime. We've always said no matter where we live we want it to be a place where people enjoy coming to, where they feel at home, and a place that's peaceful. One day, with any lucky, we'll have screaming children running around going in and out and causing all sorts of chaos (fingers crossed). And we still hope to have this same type of home, one they enjoy being in and one that brings peace to our crazy life. No matter where that is when the time comes, we sure are happy it's here for now.

So what has our first year in our house brought us? Obviously we still haven't "finished" all of the spaces, and there is still plenty of stuff on our list, but there HAVE been many projects that were on our "do right away" list that we can happily say have been crossed off. These include:

1. Painting baseboards, trim, and doors white (since our entire house was sprayed tan during the flip)

2. Adding a mantle to the fireplace

3. Building a kitchen nook

4. Painting/restyling hall bathroom

5. Painting/restyling master bathroom

6. Adding cabinets to the laundry room (stay tuned)

7. Building Joel a shed in the backyard

8. Painting master bedroom

You'll remember this first post of the listing photos, our blank canvas as we liked to call it.